Knowing the Papa: Will you let Him?

My father left our home when I was 5.  I can still vision his bags sitting at the front door before he left.  After he left and my parents divorced, me and my sister had to go spend every other weekend with him.  I didn’t have a nurturing relationship with him.  He didn't really know what to do with us.  His way of showing love to us was to buy us things and take us places.  Which at that time, was fine with me!  But looking back now, I realize how much was missing – a relationship.  Every time I had to go to his place, I cried because I didn’t want to leave my momma.  She was my constant, my stability, my security.  I didn’t have that with my dad.  He was impatient & would yell at me for little things (i.e. spilling my milk, tripping, etc.)  I can still hear in my mind the words “Oh Kelly!” ring out when I spill something.  He just didn’t know how to be a “Daddy”.  I so wish that someone would have instilled in me that I had a Daddy in Heaven that loved me unconditionally no matter my faults or mistakes.  I grew up a Christian and in a Christian home, but some of the things that I have learned later in life, I wish I had been taught then.  Because of the absence of my daddy at home, I was very flirtatious with boys and was truly what you would call “Boy-crazy”.  I relied on what boys thought of me and sought my purpose in that.  I had to have a boyfriend at all times, even if it was a different boy every week.  Looking back I know that was because of a lack of a father figure in my home and the true love of a father.  I wish I had been taught that I was the Precious Daughter of the Most High God and that I didn’t need confirmation from those boys, but that my daddy in Heaven was all I truly needed.  Well, unfortunately, things only got worse for me.  My mom died tragically in a car accident when I was 15 and I was forced to move in with my dad and his wife.  To me that was Hell on earth!  I didn’t want to go to his house when my mom was alive, why would I want to go live there?!  But the choice was not mine to make.  So even with my father in my life on a full time basis, it didn’t change what had started in my heart – boy craziness.  Thankfully, I now know that I have a Daddy who loves me unconditionally, who doesn’t just give me everything I want, but provides everything I need, and gives me a purpose for my life.   I have a lot of regrets because of that boy craziness but I am so thankful that I have a Daddy who forgives and casts my sins into the deep, expansive ocean where it can never be found again!   When the devil tries to remind me of those regrets and bring them back to the forefront of my mind, I recite 2 Corinthians 10:5b “take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ Jesus.”   “Therefore, there is now no condemnation of those who are in Christ Jesus” Romans 8:1  Praise God!  No earthly father can provide that security of heart and mind!  I’m so glad that He’s My Daddy!